Nursing School!

It kicks my trash. Hardcore. But I love it! I'm now in my 4th week and I just took my first test yesterday and passed it with a lovely 87.5% :) Phew! If I get through nursing school being a B student I will be thrilled!

Here's a pic of me in my uniform on my first day of clinical/lab.

It is so hard. And I've really lost ALMOST whatever I had of any social life with all my life changes recently. I have no time to do anything really. My friend advised me to make it my "pretty little girlfriend"... but since I'm a girl, I'm say my "hunky boyfriend". I have to put a TON of time and effort into it. And it keeps me from hanging out with all my friends on a regular basis. But its ok. It is worth it.

I have also been full of gratitude lately. Gratitude to my Heavenly Father, and my family. This would be SO hard to do without them. They keep me going, and support me and love me. I knew it would be hard, but at the same time I had no idea. The tender mercies of the Lord have really opened my eyes to how aware He is of me. To how much He wants to bless me and take care of me if I let Him. Its the greatest feeling in the world.

Also, the weather of AZ has made me VERY happy. These amazing clouds and blue skies have lifted my stressed out spirit. haha. I truly cannot wait to get up to the mountains and go camping once it warms up a bit. I'm a baby and hate camping in the snow and when it is really cold.

I love life!!!

The Right Place

Lisa has been begging me to write a new blog for a long time now. Not because she thinks I'm a good writer, but because work gets slow and she needs some new reading material :) Here ya go!

I thought I'd write about a small experience I had last weekend. I went to California with my family to visit my older brother, Frank. He and his wife and son are stationed at Camp Pendleton, in Oceanside. Its nice to go visit and have a FREE place to stay, and considering he gets out next month, we figured we better get one more good trip in.

It had been over a year since I had gone on a trip with my family. I had a lot of fun, but I also realized (once again) that I am not the most patient person in the world. In fact- I admit its a huge weakness of mine! Especially having lived on my own for the past couple years, I do things in my own time and at my own leisure. It was nice to leave home (reality) and get away and relax. We had a lot of fun at the beach, and even went to the San Diego Zoo while we were there. We've been to Disneyland and Sea World a few times prior- so we thought we'd skip those this time.

Sunday came around, and I really felt the need to attend Sacrament meeting at a local church building. So I found a YSA ward on California St, borrowed my brother's car, and headed out. I am pretty familiar with the major roads in this area, having visited quite a few times during their stay in Oceanside, but also have a very good sense of direction. So- I felt a little confident in my ability to NOT get lost on my way. I wrote down a few streets and turns and got myself to the church building in about 20 minutes, taking my time driving through the neighborhoods. Dreaming of a life in a gorgeous home on the beaches of California. As I noticed how different it was from Arizona, I felt just a little out of place.

As soon as I reached the church building- which was beautiful, with lush green grass and palm trees galore- I felt calm. The moment I walked into the chapel doors I felt "at home". I knew that even though I was in an unfamiliar area, I was in the right place. As I walked in, there were no familiar faces. I found a spot to sit and waited the few minutes for the Sacrament service to start. The talks given were great, and the Spirit was strong. As the meeting closed- I was greeted by a few people, and then started to head out and head back home to meet my family.

However, as I left the church building, I felt impressed to turn around and go back in. I wasn't sure what to do, because I knew I was out of town with my family and wanted to spend time with them. But I knew I wanted to feel more of the Spirit, knowing I wouldn't feel it like I did at that moment if I went home. My mom called me at then and said they were just relaxing at home and that I could take my time, if I wanted to stay for the rest I could. So- I did. And it was worth it.

I ended up being late for Sunday School and I didn't want to walk in late. I found some comfy chairs right outside the room where I could still hear what they were talking about. As I sat, a young man walked out of class and stood around where I was. He didn't say anything for a minute, so I started a conversation with him. He was 18, and had just recently graduated. He hadn't been to church in a very long time but due to recent events felt the need to change something in his life, and knew he needed to go back to church. We talked about a lot of different things, and the differences in AZ and CA. About school, work, and many other things. He asked if I go to church a lot back home, and I told him I did. Then we started talking about missions, and if he wanted to go on one. Due to recent events in my life, my testimony of serving a mission has grown immensely. I know without a doubt that they are one of the greatest things a person can do. It is a huge step in helping our Father in Heaven bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man, by sharing the gift of the Gospel with others. So- as we talked he expressed the fact that he didn't think he could, but he would love to. I didn't want him to think he had to say things I "wanted to hear", so I asked him why he thought that. We went on for a while, and he mentioned I sounded a little bit like his mom- good thing? Hmm...I doubt it. However, I quickly shut my mouth- not wanting to offend him. Nevertheless, he stuck around and really enjoyed chatting.

As Sunday School ended, some people came out and he introduced me to his friends. They were pretty nice and invited me to hang out with them that coming weekend, but considering I'd be in AZ it wouldn't work out very easily. I appreciated the welcome they gave me. As the 3rd block started (combined RS/EQ)- I got up to leave. He asked if I was going to class, and I said no. (Side Note: I gave him crap for skipping out of Sunday school to leave and go to McDonald's to grab a bite to eat. Which didn't help my cause at all that I said I was leaving.) He gave me a bit of crap in return, so I told him I'd go to class if he went to class too, so I would know someone. He not too excitedly agreed, but came anyways. The class ended being really good, and he was glad he went. I didn't stick around much longer, being gone for more time than I expected to be. So we said our goodbyes and I left feeling very uplifted.

It was really nice to talk to this young man, and be able to share a little bit of my testimony with him and he with me. As I grow older, I notice a lot of ME in the younger people that I meet. Although I am only 20, and feel young myself, I still think it is neat. This experience with this guy made me think of the gratitude I have for those who never gave up on me. Who pushed me to be better, to stick around for church, and to reach my goals. I am grateful for the good friends and family that I have, and for the change that I have made in the past two years. Its been a complete 180- and I still have much, much more to learn and accomplish!

What it comes down to is that the church is the same no matter where you are. It is constant- and unchanging. It is either true, or its not. But it is, I know it is- whether you are in California, Mexico or Hawaii. Our Savior died for the people in all those places. Our Heavenly Father is aware of each and every one of His children. He loves all of them, individually and unconditionally. I know I was supposed to be at that ward on that Sunday. The Spirit I felt in those meetings is the same Spirit I feel back home. I am so grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I know that it is true.

Without a doubt.

Thoughts. . .

I am not quite sure how to start this blog. So many thoughts have been running through my head. Every time I sit and try to organize them on here, I end up quitting, unable to process my thoughts into words on the screen. I think it is time to share what I have been feeling for the past couple months. It may be unorganized, but I will share my thoughts according to my own beliefs and my own faith, including reference to scripture. I am not asking you to agree with my words, but to open your mind to someone else's view; that you too may learn for yourself where you stand.

A dear friend of many has left this probationary state we call life on earth, to dwell with our Father in Heaven. Through this ordeal, I have felt a wide range of emotions that have mostly been kept to myself. Travis Alexander wasn't one of the closest of closest friends of mine, but I did get to know him well over the past couple years that I knew him. I can't say that we agreed on most things, and we sure did get on each other's nerves. For example: He loved the Aquabats and UFC, both of which are not in the Top 1,000,000 things I like. However, even though we weren't the closest of friends, I have learned things that are valuable and personal. Through the loss of Travis, we can all rest assured our dear friend is happier than he could ever be here. He has left an impression on all who knew him, and even those who didn't, to be our very best live life to its fullest.


Travis dated my best friend for a long time, and even before that I was able to become his friend. I knew a lot of his good qualities and characteristics as well as his imperfections, at least as much as the "best friend" could. As I read many thoughts of others on how they've been affected, I am grateful that they've been able to look past the imperfections of a man, and to focus on his life that is worthy to be celebrated. Sometimes I can get caught up in my imperfections, my faults and shortcomings, and the day-to-day mistakes that I make. I am learning to embrace my weaknesses, and the things in life that give me trouble. I know that they are only given to help me be humble, submissive and meek. I've learned that I cannot get through this life on my own. There is no possible way. I need my loving Savior to make up what I lack, to carry my burdens and to comfort my soul. In my weakness is when I can learn and grow; when I can find strength that I never knew I had. Travis chose to rise above his weaknesses, to turn them into strengths. We can become anything we want to be. We are only as limited as we tell ourselves we are.

Life passes in the blink of an eye. Did I serve enough? Love enough? Forgive enough? Those three principles are always in my mind these days. I realize that as fast as life is given, it can be taken away. As we know, the things we take with us after this life are not the cars we owned, the clothes we wore, or the houses we lived in. It is our relationships with our Father in Heaven and those around us, the testimony that we cultivate, and the knowledge that we acquire. As I consider the relationships I have with those around me, I wonder if I am doing enough to love, serve, and forgive them. The one I want to focus more on is forgiveness. The Lord tells us, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men". (D&C 64:10). Truly forgiving someone for a past offense was something difficult for me to do, and it is still taking some work. Forgiveness takes complete love and humility, and trust in our Savior. As I have learned to forgive those who have hurt me, I find more peace with myself. I am happier. I seem to seek forgiveness more earnestly from those who I have hurt, and I find myself seeking out those who have hurt me. It is a change within me that has not come easy, but as I do this I find life much easier to deal with. Grudges and anger hurt my personal growth more than anything else. How can I progress if I limit myself to something so trivial? As we work to forgive others, and seek forgiveness, we can rest assured that we do not have to do it alone. Christ says to "Take my yoke upon you. . . For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matt 11: 29-30). He can help us to forgive when it seems impossible on our own. It makes all the difference to forgive, forget, learn, and move forward. A lesson that I will forever be grateful for.

Our attitudes shape the way we react and think about things. It can make or break any situation. It can slow us down or help us progress faster than we can realize. Our attitudes now determine what our future will bring, for we bring it upon ourselves. Alma teaches that same principle: what we put into it, we will get out. "...one raised to happiness according to his desires of happiness, or good according to his desires of good; and the other to evil according to his desires of evil;" (Alma 41:5). As I think of the attitude that I can have, I often associate it with "faith". To have faith is to hope for things we do not see, but not only to hope and believe but to act. Hoping is only the first part of it, it must be followed through with works in accordance to what we say we believe. Often times, it is "much easier said, than done". I find myself asking "Why did this happen?" instead of "What can I learn from this?". It is unfortunate that lives end so abruptly and soon. That bad things happen to good, innocent people. It is not God punishing us. We chose His plan, a plan of happiness and salvation with the gift of our agency. Agency to choose good or evil. To choose happiness or misery. Those taken from us in innocence are in better hands now, they are being taken care of. I am sure that they are more sorry for us who are left behind! We must rejoice in the knowledge we have that our God is a God of love, a love that we cannot even begin to comprehend in our mortal state. Our minds are too finite for that. His love is eternal. I know my friends and family that have gone on are watching over me today, cheering for me to do the best that I can to return to them once more! How great a thought that is. If we but only push forward with "faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God" (D&C 4:5), we can do all things. "For this life is a time for men to prepare to meet God" (Alma 34:32).

Serving others has brought a joy to me that cannot be substituted. The act of completely forgetting oneself to better the life of another is so fulfilling. I notice a difference in myself and those around me when I make that conscious effort to step outside of my "comfort zone". I have been told that others have noticed a "difference" in me, growth in the time they've known me. I can only assume it is because I am trying to align my life in accordance with what I have learned over 20 years, and to fully put it into action. I have been able to make more friends and be strengthened in my efforts to work hard and serve the Lord. I share this because it has been an eye opening experience for me. I was always soooo shy. I was very quiet. I was never willing to step outside my box and experience the joys that laid beyond the walls of what I always knew. Through something as simple as service, it can open doors of understanding to deeper concepts and principles. Serving requires love, loving requires service, and because we are human, they both require forgiveness. It is a cycle of life, and if we grasp that concept we can notice a truly different spin on the way we live our lives. The level of happiness that can be felt will heighten.

As I end, I would like to summarize what I have come to learn and understand on a deeper level:

- Love strongly, serve faithfully, and forgive completely.
- Live as though tomorrow will never come
- Push down the walls that confine us to "comfort", and find strength in what lays beyond
- Find joy in weakness and imperfection, they allow us room to grow
- Don't regret it, learn from it
- Everyone needs a friend
- I am nothing without my Savior
- God is real.

Thank you, Travis.
God be with you, till we meet again.

Sick Days

I woke up Wednesday morning very sick. I won't go into too many details, but let's just say I really bonded with a good ol' friend. (Note: not my actual toilet) I haven't been this sick in years, so it wasn't very fun. Not like it would make it more fun if it happened more often, but it really made me appreciate the days I am healthy.

Being sick also highlights some of the great friends, and family, I have. Mad props to Lisa Andrews and Diana Lilly for being their amazing selves. Lisa supported me with some Sprite, which tastes MUCH better than water when you're sick. Diana brought over some chicken noodle soup, and a really cool gift. These girls are freakin sweet!! Boys, whoever ends up with either will definitely be the lucky ones!! My mom is amazing as well, providing jello, soup and a movie. Along with a sister who stayed to comfort me. You guys rock.

Today, I am back to work. It's funny how you can still have thoughts in the back of your head wishing you could be sick to not go to work, when in reality you were just REALLY sick and it was completely miserable. . .Oh well. On my way to 100% recovery. Nearing the goal as we speak, er. . . I mean as I type.

It feels good to be taken care of. It doesn't happen like this very often, and frankly I am happy for that. It may have been very simple acts of kindness that anyone would do for a sick friend, but it made all the difference to me. When it doesn't happen every day, I learn to truly appreciate the times it does, and the people involved. So, again, thank you very much!!! :)

The End.