Thoughts. . .

I am not quite sure how to start this blog. So many thoughts have been running through my head. Every time I sit and try to organize them on here, I end up quitting, unable to process my thoughts into words on the screen. I think it is time to share what I have been feeling for the past couple months. It may be unorganized, but I will share my thoughts according to my own beliefs and my own faith, including reference to scripture. I am not asking you to agree with my words, but to open your mind to someone else's view; that you too may learn for yourself where you stand.

A dear friend of many has left this probationary state we call life on earth, to dwell with our Father in Heaven. Through this ordeal, I have felt a wide range of emotions that have mostly been kept to myself. Travis Alexander wasn't one of the closest of closest friends of mine, but I did get to know him well over the past couple years that I knew him. I can't say that we agreed on most things, and we sure did get on each other's nerves. For example: He loved the Aquabats and UFC, both of which are not in the Top 1,000,000 things I like. However, even though we weren't the closest of friends, I have learned things that are valuable and personal. Through the loss of Travis, we can all rest assured our dear friend is happier than he could ever be here. He has left an impression on all who knew him, and even those who didn't, to be our very best live life to its fullest.


Travis dated my best friend for a long time, and even before that I was able to become his friend. I knew a lot of his good qualities and characteristics as well as his imperfections, at least as much as the "best friend" could. As I read many thoughts of others on how they've been affected, I am grateful that they've been able to look past the imperfections of a man, and to focus on his life that is worthy to be celebrated. Sometimes I can get caught up in my imperfections, my faults and shortcomings, and the day-to-day mistakes that I make. I am learning to embrace my weaknesses, and the things in life that give me trouble. I know that they are only given to help me be humble, submissive and meek. I've learned that I cannot get through this life on my own. There is no possible way. I need my loving Savior to make up what I lack, to carry my burdens and to comfort my soul. In my weakness is when I can learn and grow; when I can find strength that I never knew I had. Travis chose to rise above his weaknesses, to turn them into strengths. We can become anything we want to be. We are only as limited as we tell ourselves we are.

Life passes in the blink of an eye. Did I serve enough? Love enough? Forgive enough? Those three principles are always in my mind these days. I realize that as fast as life is given, it can be taken away. As we know, the things we take with us after this life are not the cars we owned, the clothes we wore, or the houses we lived in. It is our relationships with our Father in Heaven and those around us, the testimony that we cultivate, and the knowledge that we acquire. As I consider the relationships I have with those around me, I wonder if I am doing enough to love, serve, and forgive them. The one I want to focus more on is forgiveness. The Lord tells us, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men". (D&C 64:10). Truly forgiving someone for a past offense was something difficult for me to do, and it is still taking some work. Forgiveness takes complete love and humility, and trust in our Savior. As I have learned to forgive those who have hurt me, I find more peace with myself. I am happier. I seem to seek forgiveness more earnestly from those who I have hurt, and I find myself seeking out those who have hurt me. It is a change within me that has not come easy, but as I do this I find life much easier to deal with. Grudges and anger hurt my personal growth more than anything else. How can I progress if I limit myself to something so trivial? As we work to forgive others, and seek forgiveness, we can rest assured that we do not have to do it alone. Christ says to "Take my yoke upon you. . . For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matt 11: 29-30). He can help us to forgive when it seems impossible on our own. It makes all the difference to forgive, forget, learn, and move forward. A lesson that I will forever be grateful for.

Our attitudes shape the way we react and think about things. It can make or break any situation. It can slow us down or help us progress faster than we can realize. Our attitudes now determine what our future will bring, for we bring it upon ourselves. Alma teaches that same principle: what we put into it, we will get out. "...one raised to happiness according to his desires of happiness, or good according to his desires of good; and the other to evil according to his desires of evil;" (Alma 41:5). As I think of the attitude that I can have, I often associate it with "faith". To have faith is to hope for things we do not see, but not only to hope and believe but to act. Hoping is only the first part of it, it must be followed through with works in accordance to what we say we believe. Often times, it is "much easier said, than done". I find myself asking "Why did this happen?" instead of "What can I learn from this?". It is unfortunate that lives end so abruptly and soon. That bad things happen to good, innocent people. It is not God punishing us. We chose His plan, a plan of happiness and salvation with the gift of our agency. Agency to choose good or evil. To choose happiness or misery. Those taken from us in innocence are in better hands now, they are being taken care of. I am sure that they are more sorry for us who are left behind! We must rejoice in the knowledge we have that our God is a God of love, a love that we cannot even begin to comprehend in our mortal state. Our minds are too finite for that. His love is eternal. I know my friends and family that have gone on are watching over me today, cheering for me to do the best that I can to return to them once more! How great a thought that is. If we but only push forward with "faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God" (D&C 4:5), we can do all things. "For this life is a time for men to prepare to meet God" (Alma 34:32).

Serving others has brought a joy to me that cannot be substituted. The act of completely forgetting oneself to better the life of another is so fulfilling. I notice a difference in myself and those around me when I make that conscious effort to step outside of my "comfort zone". I have been told that others have noticed a "difference" in me, growth in the time they've known me. I can only assume it is because I am trying to align my life in accordance with what I have learned over 20 years, and to fully put it into action. I have been able to make more friends and be strengthened in my efforts to work hard and serve the Lord. I share this because it has been an eye opening experience for me. I was always soooo shy. I was very quiet. I was never willing to step outside my box and experience the joys that laid beyond the walls of what I always knew. Through something as simple as service, it can open doors of understanding to deeper concepts and principles. Serving requires love, loving requires service, and because we are human, they both require forgiveness. It is a cycle of life, and if we grasp that concept we can notice a truly different spin on the way we live our lives. The level of happiness that can be felt will heighten.

As I end, I would like to summarize what I have come to learn and understand on a deeper level:

- Love strongly, serve faithfully, and forgive completely.
- Live as though tomorrow will never come
- Push down the walls that confine us to "comfort", and find strength in what lays beyond
- Find joy in weakness and imperfection, they allow us room to grow
- Don't regret it, learn from it
- Everyone needs a friend
- I am nothing without my Savior
- God is real.

Thank you, Travis.
God be with you, till we meet again.